You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
