I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
