Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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