You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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