shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
