just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
