I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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