Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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