Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We are two peas in an std pod
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
