I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
