id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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