i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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