thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
