so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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