i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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