I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
