sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
