i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Less talking, more tequila
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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