oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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