omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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