You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
