all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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