He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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