Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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