You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
