: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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