I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
