guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
