Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
