end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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