we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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