Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
