dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
