It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
