I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
not ubering you a puppy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
