My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
