so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
