Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
