Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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