apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
