I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize