This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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