I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
