Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
