omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
