You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
