you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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