My pussy is not your playground.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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