i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
