then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
