I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
