I could make wine with my vomit
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
