Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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