hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
