His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
