watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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