you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
