I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
