so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
