How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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