how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
