I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
