Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
