I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
