So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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