I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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