ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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