I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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