Need sex. Gaining weight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found the puke drawer
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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